Missing My Dear Son so bad and dont think I can survive xmas

[tylrsmom]

Missing my son so much and I dont know how to do christmas. I have two more sons and I know they are hurting so bad as well, so how do i help them with christmas and survive it my self. How do I help my husband through this as well, when all we want to do is forget it and no other family members could care less about us at this time
It is our first Christmas without Tyler and I cant do this, absolutely cannot do this. How do I find the courage and strength, I know Tyler is here trying to help me, but it just seems to hard, I cant keep my composure, lots of tears and sadness

[Matt's Survivor Mom]

I don't know what to do either - or to say - this is my first without Matthew, too - what to do? How can the world even think about christmas or any other holiday without our boys? Changed forver, that's what we are - and I didn't ask to be. I am holding on to you tylrsmom. I will be watching this thread. I cannot think of anything to say to alieveate any pain. There are no answers that will ever be good enough. I never really asked why - because no answer will ever be good enough in this life. I cry - nonstop - yesterday in worship the song "I will rise" was sung with tears down my face - and I came to realize that yes his name was called and he went - but - I am still here. I AM STILL HERE and I don't want to be. Holding tight - myself. I am very selfsih and crying for myself - thank you for writing what I could not. -Maggie

[journeymom]

My sons are so are a part of my life...they always will be. I have been in a state of mental turmoil anticipating Brian's birthday the 1st of December, then Christmas, then Bob's birthday Jan 5th. I can't think straight. I find myself with racing thoughts and unable to pay attention. I want to ask for a sign because it seems that is the only thing that can give me hope. Grief is so hard..but I never want to forget my beautiful children. I go on because they would want me to. I think of all of us, the grieving parents; I hold everyone in my heart and I truly don't know what I would do without this forum. Please remember that your child is still here and knows how painful life has become. He or she will never leave you, of that much I am certain.
Peace and love
Dorothy

[Jane~Rhiannon's mom]

I have found it helpful to do something in honor of my child. Perhaps those of you with other children could include them in it. What to do, the planning, the doing. Christmas of 2006 was only 4 months after my beloved only child, my daughter, Rhiannon passed. I couldn not imagine doing a thing. I couldn not imagine living through it. I had all her Christmas decorations at my house. I took a huge (and I mean huge) fake wreath that was hers (I actually had displayed it the last couple of years as she tired of lugging totes with decorations as she moved so often - returned to school) and I covered that wreath with every angel ornament I had and she had, plus of course so other "special" ornaments like "Baby's first Christmas" and the decoration she made while in kindergarten. It was almost more than I could bear to go through her totes looking for angels. It took a long time. Look, fall to the floor, cry, moan, get back up, maybe take a break, think of doing it for her, go back, get the angel etc This is what they mean by the hardest work, grief work, you go through it, not around it, not avoid it, you Feel it. You don't have to do it right away, you don't have to do it when you simply can't. But your feelings must come up. While I hurt so much for Rhiannon having been my only child, with no grandchildren, I also feel so badly for you with other children. At least for myself, I could crawl into a ball and not have to worry about hurting anyone else or neglecting my other children. Give them the biggest hugs and kisses and let them know that if it had been them, you would feel the same, you are so so glad it wasn't them, you are so so broken it was their sibling. I wish you any little bit of light and peace that can seep in at this most difficult time. Jane~Rhiannon's mom

[judyangyalfy]

With Brent's first angelversary approaching on 12/20, my husband and I, along with our 29 year old daughter and her husband, and Brent's twin brother, all decided to cancel Christmas and we are going skiing in Keystone Colorado from the 17th to the 25th. No gifts. No expectations. I am just a bit parallyzed thinking how to honor him on that day. I went to a medium last Thursday, my second visit to him, and my third medium experience since I also did a phone reading with Ocallah once. My son came through with a message of love and just many validations of being with us in our day to day lives. A very different reading from the other two experiences. What most impressed me was when the medium said that he saw Brent placing a very tiny Christmas tree on the fireplace hearth. The message was that he wanted us to open our hearts even a little bit to celebrating the season of giving. It blessed me. I am trying to do this. I think I will just have to cry until I am done. Then do the next right thing, the thing that will honor my angel and keep him in my heart where he belongs and has always been. I ache for the other bereaved parents here. It is different for each of us. It is also an opportunity for each of us if we choose to heal, one day at a time, having faith in the good and yes, it continues to exist. My best, Judy

[Cindy]

This will be our 3rd Christmas without our son, Matthew. I can't bear to face this special holiday without him. All the Christmas decorations, his own ornaments, handmade ornaments, old letters to Santa haven't been touched or looked at since we lost Matthew. We are continuing to get through the holiday by not participating. There is no use trying. The void is there, and the memories without him cannot be endured. We will travel to a warm climate where it will not feel like Christmas. It will just be another day. A broken heart is just that broken. Wish I could rise above the pain but I cannot. You never say 'never' but for now it is still non-Christmas.
PS I miss all of you too. Wish we could reunite with all the unfortunate newbies in our sad club that noone should have to join. I don't know the chat schedule ( but will investigate) and try to post on the forum. MattyNme (Cindy)